It's here, in the winding-down of day, that I understand things.
The tumbling rush of doing slows down, and my heart's thoughts breathe out proof of what mattered most today:
Significance and insignificance start dancing, weaving in, out, to trade places.
The paperwork..lists...expectations and deadlines...Suddenly they go missing from my thoughts. They seemed heavy rock all day, but now..now they're lifting away, vapors only.
The quick moments of eyes noticing, the little questions, the quiet words reaching out for just a nod of recogniztion, focus in and sink.... sift, gentle down, harden up and become layers of bedrock life.
The sweet ones who smiled quick.... they stay with me even driving home.
Did I smile, too?
And him, the one who works so hard...he's risked those quiet words here at the end. There. Just on the phone, in a stolen moment. Just about the day, the work, the heaving burden of being in charge.
And I wondered if he noticed. If he needed.
But he's there...quietly. Asking. Giving. Exchanging presence and presence....rejoicing in being and knowing and stillness. Wanting me....not saying, not doing...just living the desire. Doing the life thing, side by side, as God gives it.
I smile now, seeing slowly the sweeter, softer, stronger thing.
The quiet best.
Me, who flails and scratches, scraping out the love, tearing down the bedrocks that love builds, life-day after life-day. Demanding, begging, needing...my world, my way.
It's always loud....my frowning, pounding need. Needing lots of words. Asking for a report card, a check up, a graded test, handed back, wasted breath cheaply affirming I'm still performing okay.
Instead, he calls.
Quietly being with me.
"YOU are still okay".....only without the words.
And doesn't He want me to hear it, too?
Doesn't He offer abiding?
Not the frantic running to do, to win some cheap, paper-thin approval. But the stillness, the waiting, the soft-hearted resting in His presence. Quietly being.
There He fights...when we're still.
There we find Him. Still, small.
There is the strength for being us. For living. For love.
In that quiet best.