Monday, August 29, 2011

A table for an enemy....

I have prayed to know, and grieve, the depths of my sin. To deeply feel the way I've turned against my God.
So that I might know salvation, rather than just knowing I'm saved.

I didn't know how that would feel.

It's hard to swallow, accept.
Like a lavish gift from one I've wounded, scorned.
A smile from a face I can't bear to see.

Or an invitation to a feast thrown by the King I've spat upon.

Yes, like that.
Like showing up, covered in filth, expecting...deserving....rejection,death.
...but finding none of those, but a table set with lavish love.

Undeserving, dispicably shame-filled me.
Invited to sit down and eat grace.
It's hard to swallow.
To believe.

Tears will fall when I put food to mouth.
Tasting goodness through lips of shame.

But I know it.
I feel like a slave redeemed, forever in the debt of the Redeemer.
Like a theif forgiven, released uncondemned.
Like a traitor standing alive over the body of the One who took the bullet.

I prayed for that. That I would know.
I do.

The question...the

Can I, will I believe the grace?

Live nourished by the gift-bread of undeserved love?

"For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God..." Eph 2:8

I don't know how.
I don't know how.

"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, 8which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight." Eph 1:7-8

Redemption, forgiveness.....according to His grace.

All I can do is lift the spoon in faith. Taste redeeming love, though my stomach turns with shame.
He invited me in, spread table with love.

I can only eat it and know it takes more grace to swallow this.... it takes grace to believe grace.

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